Grits in a Thermos? I don't get it...

On October 18, 1974, legendary R&B singer Al Green was doused with a pan of boiling grits by his irate girlfriend.  He sustained 3rd degree burns to much of his upper body.  As you might suspect... he found Jesus shortly thereafter.  The woman was completely nuts (she killed herself right after the dastardly deed) but I do think she was onto something. 

I'm telling you this because hearing this story for the first time was an inspiration to me.  I would never act on it because, crazy though I am, I'm not crazy enough for prison.  Nonetheless, the thought of pouring hot grits onto someone who has pissed me off is seductive.  It takes a lot to piss me off, but I still maintain an informal "Hot Grits List" of people who would absolutely get it if I could be assured of never being caught.  

Folksy and ingenious, hot grits are the napalm of the 'hood.  Inexpensive and plentiful, yet highly effective.  Make no mistake, there is an element of psychological torment involved too!  Think about it... right up to the point where your target feels their flesh searing and tries in vain to remove the sticky gelatinous slurry of cornmeal mush, they simply assumed you were making them breakfast.  How sweet of you. 

Why the thermos, you ask?  Well, a pan on the stove is only useful for those domestic situations in which the recipient of your wrath is close at hand.   For most of the people who get up in the morning looking for ways to piss you off, you will need an effective form of transport for your weapon that maintains the temperature and consistency of the grits while being easy to carry.  Voila! Grits in a thermos.  Enjoy!