So... I just took a job as an enumerator for the US Census Bureau. It's my job to follow up on those households that did not return (any of the 2-3) mailed questionnaires. Many initial non-repondents to the cenus are just busy or forgetful. Others have limited reading ability, poor eyesight, limited use of their hands, or another disability that made it difficult to fill out the original questionnaire. Those folks are easy if you can catch them at home. 10 minutes at the door and they're accounted for.
However, there is a group of Census non-respondents whose lack of response is due to the fact that they believe the Census to be a part of The Conspiracy. You know, that vague, nebulous government plan to "get them." It is for those non-respondents that I am publishing the following handy guide to The Conspiracy:
10 Fun Facts About The Conspiracy
1. The "Feds" ARE watching you. They're watching us all. If you live in a major city, just look around you. There are cameras everywhere and you are under 24 hour surveillance. I'm just sayin'...
2. There are only so many "Feds" and there are a lot of serious threats in the world. The fact that you are occasionally watched does not mean that anybody gives a rat's posterior what you're doing. It just means that you happened to walk into the frame at a moment when their heads weren't turned.
3. Nobody is tapping your phone. Even if they were, you're not that interesting and you probably ain't talking about a doggone thing.
4. If anybody cared about the $50 worth of weed in your pocket, you'd already be in jail. Yes, I can tell that you're high.
5. The low-level temporary "Fed" at your door with the Census Bureau has taken a lifetime oath not to tell anybody your business. If they could pay the $250,000 fine for telling it (plus face the potential prison term), they certainly wouldn't be working some doggone Census job!
6. You sound stupid stressing over telling the "Feds" the name, date of birth, gender and ethnicity of the people in your household when you post more information than that on your Facebook page!
7. I can see that tattoo of Tweety Bird on your left butt cheek on your Facebook page. For shame!
8. You're crazy if you think that refusing to answer 10 simple questions will stop the "Feds" from finding out anything they really want to know or coming to get you if they really wanted you.
9. Federal funding really is tied to Census numbers and those in the neediest communities might want to gamble on getting their piece of the pie rather than worrying about The Conspiracy. Besides in 72 years, when your data becomes public, do you want your great grandkids to be the only ones with a stubby little family tree because you left no records for them to research?
10. If I told you what the REAL conspiracy is, you'd either curl up and cry or accuse me of making it up.
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The real conspiracy is no longer any big secret. We are all just worker ants, acting as endentured servants to 0.001% of the population who hold all the cards (i.e. money & power). We are expected to
ReplyDelete- work
- consume (i.e. spend money recklessly, and
- buy into all the BS presented in every PR statement made.
As for the census, the same people who refuse to cooperate with the census prolly don't vote either so really they exist merely as a burden to society.
- Ms Tasty Devi's grateful lil boy toy